socialisation

something i find REALLY hard is socialising, things have changed a LOT since primary but my brain hasnt learnt what everyone else has

i cannot start a single conversation and it only seems to work when im talking to people like me, the only people i really am able to talk to are the ones who are mainly silent but let me yap nonsense and add onto it themselves or just silently listen to me

its so hard now to just become friends with someone which is bad for me because i have isolated myself and made myself resent all my other friends for no reason, just the feeling that they hate me because they acted a little distant (hahah anxious attachment) and now things are SO DIFFERENT and everyone is terrifying id honestly rather be on my own than awkwardly attempt to communicate with people who i dont share interests with and who honestly bore me, i can complain about how lonely i am but honestly i chose to be like this, the people i DID like i either isolated myself during the incident or they detached from me now im on my own and i need to learn how to be and be okay with being on my own, like finding a new hobby! like this!!! this is a new hobby!!!!

come to think of it i made many bad decisions and brash decisions during the incident, its just what happens when i get attached, but if i didnt i wouldnt have gotten as far as i did, but then i wouldve hurt a whole lot less, i wonder how things wouldve been, would i have been happier? yes, was he worth it? i think he will be

i live on the hope of someones potencial, especially when theyve shown be how good they can be

SORRY WENT OFF TRACK AGAIN