on emotions

i feel so many emotions very quickly, thats why time feels like its so slow, it doesnt seem like it makes sense but it does to me

one second i can be feeling something so deeply, and then i stop and breathe for a moment and i completely switched, its like i never felt it, i say so many things in the heat of the moment, because thats how i feel at the time, i feel like i can leave forever, or i feel like i can keep trying, or i feel like i hate you, or i feel like i miss you, or i feel alone, or i feel happier than ever, all so quickly some just in the span of an hour maybe even half an hour

and i feel them so much, theyre so strong but i feel them all individually, once the feeling passes it feels like ive never felt that before, i never said the things i did, it just doesnt seem like a big deal to me and it doesnt seem real

its what causes me to say such harmful tthings to people or abandon them but also say the things i feel so deeply in my heart that i push down or the things i never have the strength to say

but once i dont feel it anymore it feels stupid, like it doesnt matter, but its still something i felt? did i feel it just because of the things happening around me or is it something i feel deeply in my heart

i think i just feel everything

i hate something so much but i can also see the beauty in it and why it can be loved so i love it so much, and its stupid i felt like i hated it before but then the next moment i hate it and its stupid i ever loved it before and it can happen for no reason whatsoever, just because time passes or because something small and insignificant happens

then i have big reactions i dont truly mean that i cant come back from

but i meant it in the moment

i felt it in the moment

so it did matter

but does it really matter if i stay in the cycle of thinking my feeling did matter and then not feeling it anymore and realising it wasnt that deep but then i feel it again and i feel the strength of the emotion i felt before and i realise i was wrong to doubt myself but then time passes and it repeats and keeps repeating

i dont know